Breast feeding was still the major challenge this week. Since starting the supplementation with formula you gained 5 ounces, but we still had to see the pediatrician every 3-4 days. We met with Doris Christiansen, a lactation consultant, and things got SO much better. She discovered that you were getting too worked up to latch properly and so we had to swaddle you to get you calm and then you would latch and feed really well. It was annoying to have you swaddled so much, but it helped immensely with feeding. I really wanted you off formula, it made me feel so broken as a mother to have to feed you that, so we stopped and I just made a commitment to feed you every time you cried. I was feeding you hourly a few days. I was so proud of our progress, but then we had a pediatrician appointment and your weight was still only 6 lbs 15 ounces. He recommended that we give you one ounce of formula after every breast feeding session. I felt so deflated, like my body was failing you as a mother. Doris said not to worry and not to feed formula, that some babies just grow more slowly than others. It was a very confusing and stressful time. Your Dad made the decision to supplement and so we did. He loved feeding you bottles! It made me sad, but he felt so connected to you. We saw red devil baby less and less.
Our air conditioning went out when you were 12 days old, the day your Grandpa Jeff came up. We had to camp in the art studio that night, and you never slept so well. we have some pictures of that day, thankfully the problem was a minor electrical one and it was fixed quickly. We were still having to set alarms to wake you up every 3 hours during the night to feed you and every 2 hours during the day. I was keeping extensive records about every time you breastfed, had a bottle, when we changed a wet diaper and the few times you had a soiled diaper. You really started to have wet diapers once we started the formula supplementation plus breast feeding, the ones we called wet before were barely damp compared to you current output and we had to change how we were folding your diapers since you actually started to have more regular bowel movements. You Dad joked that we had no idea what a wet diaper was, how clueless were we! We have lots of pictures of you sleeping, which other than crying and eating was pretty much all you did. All the animals were fascinated by you and we have pictures of Lakota licking your head, she did that when you cried. It was so cute she would get this concerned look on her face and then run over to lick you head!
I was so worried about your weight and trying to stem the panic, but I also was more confident that you would be alive when I woke up. I'll be honest I was glad when this week was over. I knew that I would miss your being this little, but having you diagnosed as failure to thrive or inappropriate weight gain was so stressful. I needed you to be okay, better than okay. The placenta pills that I was taking did really seem to even out my mood and I was less emotional and frantic than last week, but worried like crazy. Looking at pictures of you from this week, you are so little and adorable and the memories of the worry and the stress fade away. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be you Mama.
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