This week was the beginning of a growth spurt. I felt prepared, my milk was in and we could handle this. You were crying a lot, but I would nurse you and then you would settle. It was hard, but doable. I could finally start to dress you in the 0-3 month clothing without you looking like you were drowning in cloth. We were getting good sleep at night, nighttime nursing was going great (the side laying position is awesome), it was so much fun. I just love being your Mom.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Week Four
This was a huge and really fun week! You were eating like a champ, we were supplementing with formula maybe an ounce every other day. You met your Nonno (Grandpa) Joe and you got baptized. You slept so soundly during your baptism that you did not even make a peep when your little head got doused with water. I made your Baptism cake - sour cream white cake with whipped cream frosting and fresh strawberries. It was such a great day. You met your Uncle David, who wanted to steal you and pack you in his suit case.
Your Dad and I felt like we finally had this baby thing down. You were always eating or sleeping, with very brief periods of awake alertness. Little did we know that this was the calm before the storm. You smiled you first real smile and learned to get your little hands into your mouth. We spent ridiculous amounts of time trying to get a photo of you smiling, but completely by accident we have video of you sucking your thumb for the first time.
Your Dad and I felt like we finally had this baby thing down. You were always eating or sleeping, with very brief periods of awake alertness. Little did we know that this was the calm before the storm. You smiled you first real smile and learned to get your little hands into your mouth. We spent ridiculous amounts of time trying to get a photo of you smiling, but completely by accident we have video of you sucking your thumb for the first time.
Week Three
This week is already fuzzy in my mind. I know that you finally broke 7 lbs again and we were told that we no longer needed to supplement with formula, but we were so scared that you would backslide we just decreased your supplementation from 10-12 ounces per day to 4 ounces. We had another weigh in 5 days later and you still gained, after that we only gave you formula if you seemed fussy after breastfeeding or had really dry diapers. I hardly took any pictures of you this week, perhaps I felt I had exceeded the number of sleeping baby pictures :) You were smiling in your sleep and we were all sleeping better. It was a good time, less stressful and we were finally feeling that we were getting the hang of this baby thing.
I also decided that for my sanity I NEEDED to get out of the house. Sitting on the couch was not working for me. So we started going somewhere once daily, sometimes just a drive while you Dad did some shopping. I know that this is not what your pediatrician wanted, but I was losing my mind. You still hate the car seat, but you like going places and I felt so much more human.
I also decided that for my sanity I NEEDED to get out of the house. Sitting on the couch was not working for me. So we started going somewhere once daily, sometimes just a drive while you Dad did some shopping. I know that this is not what your pediatrician wanted, but I was losing my mind. You still hate the car seat, but you like going places and I felt so much more human.
Week Two
Breast feeding was still the major challenge this week. Since starting the supplementation with formula you gained 5 ounces, but we still had to see the pediatrician every 3-4 days. We met with Doris Christiansen, a lactation consultant, and things got SO much better. She discovered that you were getting too worked up to latch properly and so we had to swaddle you to get you calm and then you would latch and feed really well. It was annoying to have you swaddled so much, but it helped immensely with feeding. I really wanted you off formula, it made me feel so broken as a mother to have to feed you that, so we stopped and I just made a commitment to feed you every time you cried. I was feeding you hourly a few days. I was so proud of our progress, but then we had a pediatrician appointment and your weight was still only 6 lbs 15 ounces. He recommended that we give you one ounce of formula after every breast feeding session. I felt so deflated, like my body was failing you as a mother. Doris said not to worry and not to feed formula, that some babies just grow more slowly than others. It was a very confusing and stressful time. Your Dad made the decision to supplement and so we did. He loved feeding you bottles! It made me sad, but he felt so connected to you. We saw red devil baby less and less.
Our air conditioning went out when you were 12 days old, the day your Grandpa Jeff came up. We had to camp in the art studio that night, and you never slept so well. we have some pictures of that day, thankfully the problem was a minor electrical one and it was fixed quickly. We were still having to set alarms to wake you up every 3 hours during the night to feed you and every 2 hours during the day. I was keeping extensive records about every time you breastfed, had a bottle, when we changed a wet diaper and the few times you had a soiled diaper. You really started to have wet diapers once we started the formula supplementation plus breast feeding, the ones we called wet before were barely damp compared to you current output and we had to change how we were folding your diapers since you actually started to have more regular bowel movements. You Dad joked that we had no idea what a wet diaper was, how clueless were we! We have lots of pictures of you sleeping, which other than crying and eating was pretty much all you did. All the animals were fascinated by you and we have pictures of Lakota licking your head, she did that when you cried. It was so cute she would get this concerned look on her face and then run over to lick you head!
I was so worried about your weight and trying to stem the panic, but I also was more confident that you would be alive when I woke up. I'll be honest I was glad when this week was over. I knew that I would miss your being this little, but having you diagnosed as failure to thrive or inappropriate weight gain was so stressful. I needed you to be okay, better than okay. The placenta pills that I was taking did really seem to even out my mood and I was less emotional and frantic than last week, but worried like crazy. Looking at pictures of you from this week, you are so little and adorable and the memories of the worry and the stress fade away. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be you Mama.
Our air conditioning went out when you were 12 days old, the day your Grandpa Jeff came up. We had to camp in the art studio that night, and you never slept so well. we have some pictures of that day, thankfully the problem was a minor electrical one and it was fixed quickly. We were still having to set alarms to wake you up every 3 hours during the night to feed you and every 2 hours during the day. I was keeping extensive records about every time you breastfed, had a bottle, when we changed a wet diaper and the few times you had a soiled diaper. You really started to have wet diapers once we started the formula supplementation plus breast feeding, the ones we called wet before were barely damp compared to you current output and we had to change how we were folding your diapers since you actually started to have more regular bowel movements. You Dad joked that we had no idea what a wet diaper was, how clueless were we! We have lots of pictures of you sleeping, which other than crying and eating was pretty much all you did. All the animals were fascinated by you and we have pictures of Lakota licking your head, she did that when you cried. It was so cute she would get this concerned look on her face and then run over to lick you head!
I was so worried about your weight and trying to stem the panic, but I also was more confident that you would be alive when I woke up. I'll be honest I was glad when this week was over. I knew that I would miss your being this little, but having you diagnosed as failure to thrive or inappropriate weight gain was so stressful. I needed you to be okay, better than okay. The placenta pills that I was taking did really seem to even out my mood and I was less emotional and frantic than last week, but worried like crazy. Looking at pictures of you from this week, you are so little and adorable and the memories of the worry and the stress fade away. You are so amazing and I am so proud to be you Mama.
Week One
This week is honestly just a blur. We were so terrified of everything. While in the hospital we got such good feedback about our nursing, but the wheels kind of came off as soon as we got home. We called Jodi at soon as we got home because you felt warm and I thought you had a fever. You had a normal temperature for an infant of 99.5. Your Dad would not let anyone change your diapers, but him. We tried to use the bassinet in the hospital and the one at home, but you would scream as soon as we put you down. So we did not put you down, at all. You slept cuddled against me on a pillow on our bed, or on your Dad's chest. I was so emotional, crying frequently and so worried that you were going to stop breathing. You looked so much like your sister I would envision you dead. Aunt Kim came to help take care of you and us, but it did not work out the way I thought it would. I was snappy to her and your Dad. I hated to be left alone and just felt overwhelmed.
You were crying all the time. Feeding you was a nightmare, my nipples were bleeding and so painful. You would not open your mouth wide enough to get a good latch and then when you were really screaming and I could get the nipple in you would not even try to eat. When we did finally get a latch it was so painful I would cry and swear. We called you red devil baby during these episodes. It was not the womanly art I was expecting. I was hyper sensitive to even perceived criticism. Kim was trying to help, but I was just over loaded with what people were telling me. I also had to wake you up to try and eat, when you finally fell asleep after 2 hours I would try to wake you up to eat. I was so exhausted.
We took you to the doctor and found that you had lost 14% of your birth weight. I was so worried that you were dying, that my body was failing you. We were given samples of formula at the doctor. I felt like such a failure feeding them to you, but you were so happy to get a good meal, you sucked down a 2 oz bottle and then stopped crying and slept. I stopped breastfeeding for a few days, I was pumping some, but not getting enough milk to feed you. It was a real low point.
There was also unending joy this week. You were here and perfect and although it was hard we were getting to learn how to be parents. I gave you yours first bath at home. On your 1 week birthday you had your newborn photo shoot. You did so well and you were so amazing. Those pictures touch me so deeply. I wish that I could go back with what I know now and do this week over, but you survived and so did we.
You were crying all the time. Feeding you was a nightmare, my nipples were bleeding and so painful. You would not open your mouth wide enough to get a good latch and then when you were really screaming and I could get the nipple in you would not even try to eat. When we did finally get a latch it was so painful I would cry and swear. We called you red devil baby during these episodes. It was not the womanly art I was expecting. I was hyper sensitive to even perceived criticism. Kim was trying to help, but I was just over loaded with what people were telling me. I also had to wake you up to try and eat, when you finally fell asleep after 2 hours I would try to wake you up to eat. I was so exhausted.
We took you to the doctor and found that you had lost 14% of your birth weight. I was so worried that you were dying, that my body was failing you. We were given samples of formula at the doctor. I felt like such a failure feeding them to you, but you were so happy to get a good meal, you sucked down a 2 oz bottle and then stopped crying and slept. I stopped breastfeeding for a few days, I was pumping some, but not getting enough milk to feed you. It was a real low point.
There was also unending joy this week. You were here and perfect and although it was hard we were getting to learn how to be parents. I gave you yours first bath at home. On your 1 week birthday you had your newborn photo shoot. You did so well and you were so amazing. Those pictures touch me so deeply. I wish that I could go back with what I know now and do this week over, but you survived and so did we.
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